


For Now

by angelselectric



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-08
Updated: 2016-08-08
Packaged: 2018-08-07 12:41:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7715275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelselectric/pseuds/angelselectric
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chanyeol never thought that he would fall in love with his bestfriend, or that this would keep him awake at night. So he decides to confront these feelings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	For Now

Chanyeol felt like the world was away from him for a second. He could feel all the effort of tonight’s show hit him like a million daggers cutting his muscles as he finished packing his things. It wasn’t just all the choreography, he knew. Hiding a secret like that wasn’t easy. Trying to keep his desires to himself, avoid contact on stage or even looking. He loved the fans, but sometimes he hated the fact that they could see what he tried so hard to cover. They captured the looks, the small touches. Things that he liked to believe that happened in their own little world.

He put his the bag on his shoulder and went to the corridor, still lost in thoughts. He thought again if today was the day. The day he would be brave enough to face his feelings and confess everything. Everyone thought that he was the most confident on EXO, and he always did everything to maintain that image — it was true, after all. But when it was about Baekhyun, he couldn’t remember his own name.

His brain wanted to not be afraid to hug him and hold his hand. He wanted to pretend his feelings were just friendship like the others and act normal. But at the same time, his heart want desperately to kiss him. And Chanyeol forgot his brain this times. He craved the feeling of Baek’s soft skin against his, even if it was just a hand. The touch — it was heavenly. He wanted it, he wanted it so much that sometimes it felt like his heart would explode and all the feeling inside him could go to the moon and back.

Chanyeol wanted to hold hands once they were out of stage. Wanted to be free to kiss him whenever he wanted to. Wanted to collect pictures and moments and whispers. Wanted to  live knowing that Baekhyun knew his feelings for him. Because, if he knew, if he just knew, hiding it from the fans and the company would be just an light stone on the way.

Baekhyun was with Jongdae and Yixing waiting on the door. They were talking about the show, Chanyeol realized as he silently approached. Tonight’s show had been one of the best so far on their career, and you could see them on their faces — the way their faces lighted up and their voices came out loud without even realizing. And the jokes, the provocations, all like brothers.

Chanyeol stopped. He wondered if things would change if he confessed. He knew Baekhyun —his best friend, after all — he knew how he liked to play with others members, how he liked to provoke. Chanyeol asked himself if his feelings for Baekhyun could ever made the members — his brothers — give him strange looks, or change their relationship with the two of them. He knew that they were his brothers and he hated this new insecurity, but he couldn’t help it.

Maybe he would never know.

— Look who’s here — Jongdae smiled. — I think the fans are still screaming because of you.

— Oh, I know — Chanyeol erased all the thoughts of the last ten minutes and smiled. _Normal. Casual_.

— To be fair — It was Baekhyunie’s voice and Chanyeol had to force every muscle in his body to not turn around immediately to the sound of his voice. — I did _half_ of the job. I showed what they wanted to see.

— My abs, my merit — He laughed as they followed to the car. _Normal_.

They started talking about the show and the dances and Chanyeol lost himself as he looked to Baekhyun at the passenger sit. He was specially beautiful tonight, with messy hair that looked like he had given up fixing it (Chanyeol would never say it out loud but he loved when Baek’s hair was uneven) and sparkly eyes — Baekhyun always had a mischievous glow in his eyes. Chanyeol felt like there were secrets there — they were best friends who shared everything, but still. He knew there was more there and he felt so attracted to that glow.

And then there was his smile. It could lighten up all the stadium. All the adrenaline in the world could never compare to the one he felt when Baekhyun smiled. Baekhyun’s eyes made him feel like he was going down on a rollercoaster over and over again, jumping off a cliffhanger just to drown on a cold ocean. But he wanted to do it all, because he knew Baekhyun would be waiting for him with the sun in his eyes.

They were passing on a tunnel now, the dark invading the car. Chanyeol thought about telling him, confessing his feelings. Maybe tonight once they got home and eventually were left alone. In the dark of night, the desires of his heart didn't look so absurd. He could say it, jump that cliff. He could blame the tiredness. He could go to sleep and pretend it never happened. But Baekhyun could say it back.

_He would be surprised. He would think the other one was joking. Until he realized it wasn’t. They would kiss, and Chanyeol knew he that he could go to hell but that was heaven. And maybe, just for one night, the weight on his heart would disappear, and he would be a light soul, full of passion._

— Chanyeol — it was Jongdae’s voice. They had arrived and he didn’t even realize. He was the only one left in the car. — Are you okay?

— Yeah — he answered, grabbing his things and going inside. — Just tired.

When he entered, the boys had already gone to their rooms. Chanyeol left his things on the sofa and moved to the kitchen. There were too many things in his head. He wished he loved drinking so he could just drown his thoughts on the alcohol and regret the next day. Tomorrow, when he would wake up so fine that all the drama of tonight would be forgotten. 

Chanyeol just wanted to forget all of this.

The glass of water slipped of his hands and before something could happen Baekhyun hands put it back on the table.

Air went missing on his lungs. He didn’t look up.

— Chanyeolie — his voice was so soft — are you okay?

_No._

— Did something happened?

_You._

— I’m just tired and nervous about tomorrow’s show. You know.

— Yeah — Baek said. —But no need to worry, you were great today, I’m sure tomorrow will be the same.

— You too. — Chanyeol looked up. Baekhyun’s eyes were filled with tenderness and caring, and he smiled with that words. _That’s why_ , he thought. That’s why he lived with his heart in a fist, why he never said anything. He loved Baekhyun’s eyes. And he never wanted to imagine one day he would look into those eyes and see anything but that fondness. He would keep his feelings to himself and torture himself everyday if in the end of the night he had that eyes on him with that kind of look.

He gave Baekhyun a little smile. There was no strength for a bigger one and the other one seemed to understand that —and it hurt. But it was 2 AM. He was tired, sleepy, and all he could see was that smile. He felt his heart get warmed. It had been like this for 4 years, and maybe that was how it was supposed to be. For four years Chanyeol hid this — he could hide it for more. No one ever needed to know. Because if he was going to get home late at night and receive that smile and that look and feel like a volcano had just exploded inside his heart and butterflies were flying around his body…

He could deal with that. And it was enough for now.   


End file.
